


The Gayness Is Spreading to Space (Voltron Chatfic)

by AmajikiTheFoodHero



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:07:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25314307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmajikiTheFoodHero/pseuds/AmajikiTheFoodHero
Summary: Allura the Pure makes a chat and Shiro ruins it. Why? Bc he's a gay disaster. Klance is s a i l i n g. Keith has a pet rock named Lance and Shiro threatens to eat it, making Keith lay down and think about his life choices. So yeah, its a mess.
Relationships: Adam/Curtis/Matt Holt/Shiro, Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 100





	1. Chapter 1

**Allura has made a Group Chat**

**Allura has renamed the chat: For Bonding Only**

**Allura has added Shiro, Pidge, Hunk, Keith, Lance, Coran, and Matt**

Lance: >:3c What this?

Shiro: Oh god why

Lance: I haven't even done anything yet!

Shiro: ...

Lance: Y e t

Shiro: ...Okay bye

Allura: Wait!

Allura: I made this chat so we could all bond as a team!

Pidge: It will not work if you have added Lance. Or last groupchat was C u r s e d

Lance: >:O Meeeaniiieeees

Keith: Lance forgets all bonding moments.

Lance: Roses are Red

Lance: Cows live on Farms

Lance: "wE HaD a bOnDiNG mOmeNt, I cRaDLeD yOu iN MY ArMs!"

Keith: ...Goodbye, I hate you.

Coran: We're on a flying ship and the hangars are locked. How will you leave?

Keith: :)

Shiro: Keith, step aWAY from the airlock

Keith: :)

Shiro: Okay I got him

Matt: Shiro just??? Grabbed Keith??? Hoisted him over his shoulder and casually walked away??? Keith is s c r e e c h i n g and he's?? W h a t??

Pidge: Did you record it

Matt: Who do you think I am?

**Matt has uploaded one video**

Shiro: I have adopted every single one of these kids, they're mine now, back off Coran

Coran: I want full custody of Lance

Shiro: Whos blasting Welcome to the Black Parade??

Lance: That'd be me

Shiro: I have full custody of Lance and I will never give him up, fight me Skinny McElf

Keith: S k i n n y M c E l f-

Pidge: Remind me not to ever be one of Shiros targets

**Pidge has changed Shiro's name to SpacePapi**

SpacePapi:

**SpacePapi has changed Lance's name to RAZZLEDAZZLE**

**SpacePapi has changed Keith's name to FightMeHoes**

**SpacePapi has changed Pidge's name to Tinkerer**

**SpacePapi has changed his name to BlackParade**

**BlackParade has changed Allura's name to Ma'am**

**BlackParade has changed Coran's name to Skinny McElf**

**BlackParade has changed Matt's name to TinkererTheSequel**

Black Parade: There, chaos completed

RAZZLEDAZZLE: I love you so much rn I need an inHALER

BlackParade: Great, now we need an adult

RAZZLEDAZZLE: You are an adult what stuff

BlackParade: Dont do this to me I cant adult yet

Ma'am: I honestly expected Lance to wreck this chat, not you Shiro

BlackParade: Well I have the Gay Power™ and I will conquer worlds with it

Ma'am: What is this Gay Power? In fact, what is Gay?

BlackParade: ...

TinkererTheSequel: IT MEANS A GUY LIKES A GUY. Case CLOSED, NO MORE QUESTIONS.

BlackParade: ^

Ma'am: Ah. Does that mean Keith is a Gay?

FightMeHoes: 

RAZZLEDAZZLE: GET R E K T

FightMeHoes: Why did you do this to me Allura? I thought we were friends-

Ma'am: Is being a Gay™ a bad thing?

FightMeHoes: No but why was I targeted like that???

Ma'am: Because you seem mostly likely to be a Gay

FightMeHoes: Okay fair but wHY ME

Ma'am: If it makes you feel better, I've seen three people become a Gay while looking at Shiro

Tinkerer: PFFFFT-

BlackParade: W a i t W h a t ? ? ?

Ma'am: Yes! It was all very cute, their faces went red!

BlackParade: W h o T h o u g h ? ? ?

FightMeHoes: I've seen Shiro become a Gay for three people though-

BlackParade: I'll eat your pet rock

FightMeHoes: DONT EAT MY SON

Tinkerer: He's screeching rn make it stop

BlackParade: Cronch cronch

FightMeHoes: NO

Skinny McElf: We're not going to question why the Emo™ has a son that's a rock?

BlackParade: He named it Lance

RAZZLEDAZZLE: Wait why-

BlackParade: It distracted a bunch of soldiers with its googly eyes and then when the soldiers tried to run, they tripped over him

RAZZLEDAZZLE: Okay f a i r

FightMeHoes: I want my son back 

RAZZLEDAZZLE: I want to see him :D

FightMeHoes: First we have to make sure Shiro didnt eat him

BlackParade: Rocks taste nasty

RAZZLEDAZZLE: Keith is literally on the floor almost crying what did you do to the poor guy he loves that rock

BlackParade: I never even touched the rock lmao

FightMeHoes: I hate you

BlackParade: Jokes on you I hate myself anyway

Ma'am: Shiro are you okay?

BlackParade: Totally

TinkererTheSequel: I'll add the Gay 4 U Crew

BlackParade: You wouldn't

Tinkerer: Wait what-

**TinkererTheSequel has added Adam and Curtis to the chat**

Adam: I SWEAR TO GOD MATT IF YOU PUT ONE MORE ORANGE IN THE POD ILL KILL YOU MYSELF

Tinkerer: WAIT WHAT-

BlackParade: Again with the oranges-

FightMeHoes: Lmao

Adam: So I backread and I'm hauling Curtis's ass to the pod we're coming and smothering you in love

TinkererTheSequel: I'm already there we shall hug him to death

Curtis: ^^

Ma'am: Oh the Gays!

Curtis: I just spat out my juice who taught her that

RAZZLEDAZZLE: Matt and Shiro 

BlackParade: ...S h e A s k e d T h o u g h

Adam: She legit just called us the Gays I-

Ma'am: I find the Gay culture very interesting!

TInkererTheSequel: She's too pure, must protecc

RAZZLEDAZZLE: ^

**BlackParade has changed the chat name to Allura is Pure and Sweet, Must Protecc**

BlackParade: So Adam, Curtis, and Matt are all in my room and just piled on me in a huge hug and-

BlackParade: I've just

BlackParade: A s c e n d e d

FightMeHoes: Sniff sniff

RAZZLEDAZZLE: We smell the Gay™ from here

Ma'am: You two are of the Gay™ too

RAZZLEDAZZLE: O how you wound me

FightMeHoes: Time to get blackmail photos mwahahahaa

Tinkerer: Yes please and thank you

RAZZLEDAZZLE: Maybe we'll end up with four dads and a new sibling

Adam: ...That's not how it works...

RAZZLEDAZZLE: I WANT THREE MORE DADS AND A NEW SIBLING

FightMeHoes: ^

Tinkerer: ^^

Hunk: ^^^

RAZZLEDAZZLE: Wait where'd you come from?

Hunk: My fingers are too fat for typing fast so I'm a lurker ┬┴┤( ͡⚆ل͜├┬┴┬

Adam: Get out.

Hunk: Yessir

RAZZLEDAZZLE: Soo, when's the new sibling coming?

Adam: THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS 

BlackParade: Where are you Adamn-

Adam: In the kitchen, raiding all the snacks 

RAZZLEDAZZLE: A d a m n

**Adam has changed his name to Adamn**

Adamn: It's beautiful

TInkerer: New sibling?

FightMeHoes: Three New Dads?

RAZZLEDAZZLE: Please?

BlackParade: But- That's not how it works-

RAZZLEDAZZLE: :(

BlackParade: Hi this is Matt, Shiro is red and dying rn what did you do

BlackParade: oh-

BlackParade: Oh

BlackParade: _OH_

Ma'am: I believe the chat has achieved it's purpose! We are bonding! 

FightMeHoes: But all at that happened was Shiro stopping me from yeeting myself into space, Shiro being a savage dad, explaining the Gay, Outing People, and trying to destroy the B in a Bromance???

Ma'am: Bonding! :D

RAZZLEDAZZLE: Oml shes too pure, I cant read that without feeling happy, how

FightMeHoes: Same

Ma'am: So what is it called when two girls become a Gay-like being?

Tinkerer: It's called Lesbian

Ma'am: Oh! What's it called when a Boy likes Girls and Boys?

RAZZLEDAZZLE: It's called being Bisexual or Bi

Ma'am: Are you a Bi?

RAZZLEDAZZLE: Bi and Ready to Die 

FightMeHoes: Lance no

RAZZLEDAZZLE: Lance yes

FightMeHoes: Lancelot Dazzle McClain. I said no.

Tinkerer: Screenshotting for blackmail

**RAZZLEDAZZLE has changed his name to Lancelot Dazzle McClain**

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: I love it I will keep it forever uwu

FightMeHoes: I actually thought that was your real name-

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: I want my name to be Lancelot Dazzle McClain! :(

Tinkerer: Aaand he's sulking now. Keith, come and cheer him up

FightMeHoes: W h y M e ?

Tinkerer: Because Shiro, Adam, Matt, and Curtis are too busy being gay and not giving us new siblings. Allura is sleeping next to me and she's so cute rn bless her heart <3\. Coran is cleaning, and I'm too busy trying to get us wifi and blast The Fitnessgram Pacer Test in all the Galran ships until they're begging for mercy.

FightMeHoes: ...Dazzle where are you

Tinkerer: He's in his room

FightMeHoes: omw

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: ...

FightMeHoes: Ok but he's in a blue cat hoodie and shorts and his room is surprisingly clean-

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: So Keith, you gonna cuddle with me or what?

Tinkerer: Klance is sailing

FightMeHoes: Lance is just so soft and tall and its more like hes cuddling me but I dont care-

FightMeHoes: In the words of the Gay Queen Shiro: "I've just A S C E N D E D"

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: uwu

**Adamn has renamed the chat The Gayness™ Is Spreading, Let It Rip**


	2. Klance Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody bascially forces Klance to sail with truth or dare... On phones
> 
> Shiro- BlackParade  
> Hunk- Creeper  
> Matt- TinkererTheSequel (Changed to Rug later)  
> Adam- Adamn  
> Lance- Lancelot Dazzle McClain  
> Keith- FightMeHoes (Changed to SoftBby)  
> Curtis- Curtis  
> Pidge- Tinkerer  
> Allura- Ma'am  
> Coran- Skinny McElf (Changed to King Bumi later)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Klance.

BlackParade: TODAY I AM SAILING KLANCE EVEN IF IT MEANS I HAVE TO BURN DOWN THE CASTLE

Tinkerer: Okay thats dedication- So whats your plan?

BlackParade: Truth or Dare 

Tinkerer: Y e s

BlackParade: @Everbody we're playing truth or dare on phones since I cant move

Tinkerer: But your on the couch?

BlackParade: I HAVE A FREE DAY AND I'M NOT MOVING. 

Hunk: Mood

BlackParade has changed Hunk's name to Creeper

Creeper: I-

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: CREEPER?!

FightMeHoes: Aww man

BlackParade: Lance, Did you corrupt Keith? I just want to talk. :)

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: I mean- I decided to show him a few vines but its aLL GOOD

Tinkerer: Holy shit Shiro just got up and practically teleported to the end of the hall and disappeared, you better run Lancelot

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: HOLY SH IT HE JUST APPEARED IN FRONT OF MY DOOR, HIS ARM GLOWING, I LOCKED IT BUT ASHIODHWIFWIKWDHHELP

BlackParade: YOU LOCKING DOORS LANCE?? YOU LOCKING DOORS??

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: i'M SCREAMING KEITH GET UR DAD B4 HE MURDERS ME HeLP

FightMeHoes: ...

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: I SWEAR I'LL DO ANYTHING JUST GET UR DOG

FightMeHoes: He don't bite

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: YES HE DO BUT ITS NOT THE TIME H E L P

FightMeHoes: Heel, Shiro

FightMeHoes: Sit.

BlackParade: No

FightMeHoes: I have the Cursed Video

BlackParade: I have a Cursed Video too

FightMeHoes: ...

BlackParade: ...

FightMeHoes: Get off Lance's case and I won't post it

BlackParade: 

Tinkerer: Back to truth or dare

Ma'am: How do you play?

Tinkerer: Someone will ask Truth or Dare. You pick either Truth or Dare. If you pick Truth, that person will ask you a question you have to answer. If you pick Dare, that person will give you something you have to do. If you pick Truth and you don't like the question, you can switch to dare but you can't switch back. No skipping your turn either.

Ma'am: Got it!

Skinny McElf: Okay, who's first?

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: ME

BlackParade: I guess him

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: Pidge, t or d?

Tinkerer: Truth?

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: Can you turn your head all the way around like an owl?

Tinkerer: Yes, actually

FightMeHoes: WAIT WHAT

BlackParade: I found that out earlier this month and it was terrifying

Tinkerer: Lmao, I never heard anyone scream so loud at 3 in the morning, he was having a whole ass heart attack

Tinkerer: Keith t or d?

FightMeHoes: Dare coz I'm not a weakling

Tinkerer: Cuddle w/ Lance again and give me the blackmail pictures

FightMeHoes: 

FightMeHoes: I TAKE IT BACK 

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: :<

FightMeHoes: YOU DONT U N D E R S T A N D

FightMeHoes: I look like a CHILD coz Pidge gave me this soft baby red kitty sweater and I love it but its embarrassing

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: :<

FIghtMeHoes: HhhHhHHHere I come

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: :3

BlackParade: Keith just walked by me and I had to do a double take-

BlackParade: IS THAT SOFT BOY-O REALLY OUR RESIDENT EMO???? 

BlackParade: I deMAND THAT HE RELINQUISH THE TITLE OF EMO HE IS THE SOFTEST THING IVE EVER SEEN ASIDE FROM ALLURA

FightMeHoes: >:(

BlackParade: I will stay mad about this, you are no emo.

BlackParade has changed Keith's name to Softbby

SoftBby: ...I'm in front of your door Lance

Tinkerer: I read that in Keith voice but softer like a uwu baby

SoftBby: >:T

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: HOLY SHIT WHY DID NOBODY WARN ME HES TOO CUTE I WILL DIE IF I EVER STOP CUDDLING THIS SOFT PRECIOUS BBY BOY

SoftBby: Do I need to remind you I can snap your neck rn?

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: You'd have to find a stool first

Tinkerer: OH S N A P

SoftBby: >:(

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: I'm sORRY DONT LEAVE

SoftBby: No I'll cuddle with Hunk instead

Creeper: Hell yeesss I love hugs

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: :'<

SoftBby: FIne.

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: Yay! So soft and cute and uwu

SoftBby: Shiro t or d?

BlackParade: D A R E 

SoftBby: Play a song on your guitar, I know you hide it

BlackParade: BLACK PARADE BIIIIIIIITCHESSSSSSS

Tinkerer: Where r u

BlackParade: Training room

Tinkerer: omw

**Tinkerer has sent one video**

SoftBby: THATS MY DAD

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: YES OUR DAD ROCKS

Adamn: So I just get on and the first thing I see is a video of Shiro just shredding on that guitar???? 

Adamn: Like- GODDAMN

Curtis: :O

TinkererTheSequel: THATS OUR BEST FRIEND HOES

Curtis: ^

Adamn: ^^

Ma'am: Hey all the Gays showed up when the video was posted!

Creeper: pFFFT-

Skinny McElf: I mean- she's not wrong

BlackParade: Allura t or d?

Ma'am: Truth!

BlackParade: Did you eat my Pop-tarts?

Ma'am: ...Dare

BlackParade: GeT ME MORE POP TARTS ALLURA

Ma'am: O k a y f i n e. Lance t or d?

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: Dare! 

Ma'am: Sing a Spanish song!

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: >:3c

**Creeper had posted one video**

Ma'am: Are you serious?

Tinkerer: HOLY SHIT LANCE IS E P I C

SofyBby: H e G o t H i p s T h o u g h

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: ;)

BlackParade: Y E S C H I L D

Adamn: AYY MACARENA

BlackParade: [CLAP]

Tinkerer: Lance is G O D

SoftBby: I can't believe I'm cuddling this man wth he's awesome

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: uwu

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: Matt truth or dare?

TinkererTheSequel: Truth-

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: Has Pidge ever done some weird stuff with you like she does with us? I need b l a c k m a i l

**TinkererTheSequel has changed his name to Rug**

Rug: BUCKLE UP AND GET READY FOR THE WILDEST TALE OF PIDGEONS YOU HAVE EVER HEARD

Rug: So one day I was driving to get some Starbucks and I thOUGHT I WAS ALONE IN THE CAR BUT NO

Rug: I asked myself "What should I get" aloud coz I'm used to having Pidge there. Then a fUCKEN COBRA SNAKE JUST RISES UP AND SAYS "A smol coffee please" AND I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD-

BlackParade: And that's how I met Matt. A guy in the line for Starbucks just- "What should I get- OOHH MY FUCKEN GOD WHAT THE FUCC DWHIODHWKFDHW". He was screaming and I legit had to get out my car and open his door so he could scramble out and cling to me screaming "I JUST SAW SATAN IN SNAKE FORM HE'S IN MY CAR AND HE ASKED ME FOR A COFFEE WHAT THE FUCK"

Rug: THAT WAS YOU?!?!?!

BlackParade: Lmao

Tinkerer: This is Gold

Rug: But when Shiro saw the snake he screeched and slammed the door and we ended up pushing the car to the side of the road please nobody was brave enough for that shit. The snake also said "I am the Lorax I speak for the trees, save the fucken Amazon before I eat ur knees"

Rug: That is legit one of the weirdest things Pidge has ever done

Rug: Okay Coran truth or dare?

Skinny McElf: Dare?

Rug: Are you able to fight the training bot? If you are, do it I'm ready to record the whole thing

Skinny McElf: Okay then but don't be surprised

Rug: ...Holy sugar honey iced tea

**Rug has posted a video**

BlackParade: OH MY- HES FUCKEN R I P P E D

**BlackParade has changed Skinny McElf's name to King Bumi**

King Bumi: I said dont be suprised

Tinkerer: Istg Coran will be the one to kill Zarkon

King Bumi: Why thank you!

King Bumi: Princess truth or dare?

Ma'am: Truth!

King Bumi: How many hours have you slept child?

Ma'am: ...Dare?

King Bumi: Go to sleep.

Ma'am: Why is everyone coming for me like this?

BlackParade: 'Cause we can

Ma'am: Hunk t or d?

Creeper: Truth

Ma'am: How much blackmail do you actually have on everyone?

Creeper: ...sO NOBODY SEEMS TO NOTICE ME WHEN I SNEAK AROUND SO I BRING A CAMERA AND YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE THE THINGS IVE SEEN

Creeper: I have a LOT

Creeper: Keith t or d?

SoftBby: Uh... dare coz I'm still not a weakling 

Creeper: >:Dc

SoftBby: Suddenly Im scared

Creeper: Kiss the person you like most on the cheek 

BlackParade: Not so subtle but hey you got the point across

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: He's so soft??? Like??? Whoever he likes is lucky and all but I'm stealing him for cuddles-

SoftBby: 

SoftBby: So uh,,. I just pecked Lancelot on the cheek and,,, He just froze?

SoftBby: Oh nevermind he's hugging me now

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: I keep him and name him kitten and he mine back off 

SoftBby: But how am I the kitten when you always go :3 like a cat?

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: Because its my duty, I got it from my mom 

SoftBby: Mkay

BlackParade: ARE YOU DATING YET?

SoftBby: I dunno are we?

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: I think so

SoftBby: Okay we are dating. Or more accurately we have been dating for the last few weeks but thanks for noticing

BlackParade: WHAT

Tinkerer: You have GOT to be shitting me

BlackParade: WELP KLANCE HAS SAILED ANYWAY SO MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

BlackParade: Allura get away from the new box of pop tarts

Ma'am: ...

BlackParade: Allura...

Ma'am: _sayonaRA SUCKER_

BlackParade: GET BACK HERE


	3. Shiro is powerful and chaotic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro is powerful and chaotic

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: Can we just take a moment to appreciate how cute Keith is?

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: He is the softest emo I have ever met

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: And we all love him (I love him the most though)

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: And even though he's super soft, he's also super dangerous

BlackParade: Stop thirsting over your bf in the group chat you're making everyone else feel lonely

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: I'm sorry I can't hear you over the sound of me not being single

BlackParade: ...

SoftBby: Lol

BlackParade: ONE DAY

BlackParade: _ONE DAY, THAT'S NOT GOING TO WORK ON ME_

SoftBby: I wAS going to tell Lance to stop but this is hilarious

BlackParade: >:/

Rug: Entertain me mortals

BlackParade: r00d

SoftBby: How do you know I'm not immortal

SoftBby: I haven't died yet

SoftBby: Stop making assumptions

BlackParade: Keith, brother, that's not how it works

Adamn: According to the song SEASON OF LOVE by RENT there are 525,600 minutes in a year.

Adamn: One line later, there are 525,000 moments so dear

Adamn: By doing the math we can calculate that there are 600 moments that aren't so dear

Adamn: And I think I just used one of them when I tripped on my foot, fell and accidentally kissed/killed Curtis.

BlackParade: However you thought this story would end, you're wrong

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: I dont know whether to laugh or be worried about Curtis

Adamn: NO BUT I THINK HE'S ACTUALLY DEAD

Adamn: HE'S RED AND NOT SAYING ANYTHING

Adamn: Wait I can feel his heartbeat- uh

Rug: He needs CPR

BlackParade: Hurry, we'll be there in a sec

Tinkerer: THEY'RE MAKING OUT NOW

Rug: F I N A L L Y

BlackParade: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

Adamn: Turns out he did need CPR ;)

Curtis: JWDJIWHFICKWWOFDJCWSADAM

BlackParade: ARE YOU DATING NOW?

Adamn:

BlackParade: TELL ME

Adamn: ThE tHiNg iS- Webothhavefeelingsforeachotherandafewotherpeopleandwedontwanttomaketheotherpeoplewelikethinkwedontlikethemanditsamess

BlackParade: My brain isnt functioning enough to read this

TInkerer: **We both have feelings for each other and a few other people and we don't want to make the other people we like think we don't like them and its a mess

BlackParade: oh

BlackParade: OH

BlackParade: WHO ARE THEY I NEED TO KNOW

Curtis: Welp I'm going to go die in a corner now

BlackParade: NO I WANT TO KNOW >:C

Adamn: Lol both of them are pouting now

SoftBby: Do you know that there is a theory that no two people see color the same way?

SoftBby: So is color is like- a pigment of your imagination?

Rug: NO STFU

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: huehuehue

Rug: THAT LAUGH WAS A FUCKEN PUN I HATE YOU ALL GOODBYE

Rug: Anybody else got a bad pun/joke/whatever the hell we're doing

Tinkerer: Once I saw a Galra search up how to give a good handjob-

BlackParade: One, bop it. Two, pull it. Three, twist it.

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: Harder, better, faster, stronger

Curtis: You pull your left hand in, you pull your left hand out, you pull your left hand in, and you shake it all about

Creeper: Cha-cha real smooth

Ma'am: None of you ever touch a penis

BlackParade: WAIT WHERE DID YOU COME FROM

Ma'am: I have been surveying the chat

Ma'am: Where do you even get these from?

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: Tumblr

Ma'am: Stop going on tumblr it needs jesus 

BlackParade: Hah jokes on you I exclude such a powerful and chaotic force that Satan is my psycho lover and God cries when he looks at me

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: Dad needs help

BlackParade: Don't make me bring the bees into this

Ma'am: WHAT BEES?!?

BlackParade: *Aggressively shaking a jar of bees at your kneecaps*

Tinkerer: Powerful and chaotic indeed


	4. Keith is Done.

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: GOOD MORNING TODAYS A WONDERFUL DAY

SoftBby: Shut the fuck up and sleep.

BlackParade: Oop-

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: It's too late, I sent out the wakeup call

SoftBby: I want divorce.

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: :'C

SoftBby: Pidge is my new girlfriend, we will rule the Earth and destroy all Galra

Tinkerer: >:3

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: 1) I'M SORRY KEITH :'C

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: 2) STOP LAUGHING SHIRO I CAN SEE YOU, STOP SIPPING THAT DRINK AT ME LIKE THAT

BlackParade: :)

**SoftBby has kicked Ma'am and King Bumi from the chat**

SoftBby: Everybody shut the fuck up I have a plan to establish dominance over Allura and Coran

SoftBby: You MAY be able to redeem yourself Lancelot

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: It sounds like it might be mentally traumatizing for Allura and Coran-

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: I'm in.

SoftBby: Shiro I need you to go up to Coran and introduce him to bleach

SoftBby: I will be the scariest person in the castle

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: >:3c

Tinkerer: Cameras ready and Shiro is talking to Coran right now

**((TEN MINUTES LATER))**

BlackParade: LMAO 

BlackParade: He just looked them in the eyes and chugged a whole thing of bLEACH??

BlackParade: They're screaming

BlackParade: Thats such a fucking power move

BlackParade: His eyes just rOLLED UP IN HIS HEAD DID HE LEGIT JUST DIE

BlackParade: ALLURA IS ALMOST IN TEARS 

BlackParade: I HEAR THE RED LION

BlackParade: NOBODYS PILOTING IT

BlackParade: THE RED LION IS TRYING TO WAKE KEITH UP OH FUCK

Rug: Why are you all so chaotic?

BlackParade: O SHIT ITS ACTUALLY GOING TO MURDER SOMEBODY

BlackParade: ABORT ABORT KEITHS LION IS GOING TO LITERALLY BURY HIM ALIVE

BlackParade: THAT SMUG LION IS MAKING LAUGHING NOISES I CAN hEAR YOU MOTHERFUCKER

BlackParade: I wonder if I give my lion a phone number and add it to the chat??

Tinkerer: Great idea, I'm on it

Rug: Are you telling me that we might be able to put 4 giant galactic lions into the chat and talk to them

BlackParade: I hope so the lions are gonna be TERRIFED when they find out who they actually put in charge lmao

BlackParade: They'll search desperately for a more responsible person who is worthy but theyLL NEVER FIND ANYONE CAUSE IM THE CHOSEN ONE

BlackParade: Slowly my texts will get more chaotic

BlackParade: They'll be terrified for the team and my sanity

BlackParade: bUT THEY'LL NEVER FIND ANYONE ELSE AND IT WILL DRIVE THEM TO UTTER AND COMPLETE MADNESS

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: Are you Satan?

BlackParade: How'd you guess?

Adamn: I could see the eye roll behind that

Adamn: I'm sUPPOSED TO BE AT WORK EVERYBODY SHUT UP

BlackParade: Abort abort the sane one is here

Tinkerer: WHY DIDNT YOU KICK HIM OUT KEITH

SoftBby: I THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD INSIDE OR SOMETHING DONT BLAME ME

Adamn: Time to stop this trainwreck since I'm the only responsible one

**Adamn has locked the chat for 4 hours**


	5. Chapter 5

**Pidge has added Red, Green, Blue, and Black to the chat**

Black: Is this the group chat that Black Paladian was telling me about?

Blue: Ooh! I like interacting with my paladian! This is going to be awesome!

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: Thanks! :D

Blue: Is your real name really Lancelot Dazzle McClain?

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: Nah, but I wish it was!

Blue: ARE YOU DATING RED PALADIAN YET? I'VE BEEN TRYING TO HELP YOU FOR SO LONG BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME! (TT^TT)

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: Uh- yeah we're dating-

Blue: Thank Jesus

Red: Finally Blue'll stop bitching about how his OTP (what does that even mean???) isn't sailing

SoftBby: Wow even the lions ship us

Green: Since Blue and Red are mated it was very likely that their paladins would mate too

Blue: My child is finally leaving the den! :D

SoftBby: Honestly I thought they'd be a bit angrier since we use their bodies to battle and can't understand half the things they say-

Red: I thought you guys would be mad once you realize how much we yell at you like "NO STOP THAT YOU BLOODY IDIOT" "SHOOT HIM! SHOOT HIM DAMNIT!" "NOW KISS, ITS NOT THAT HARD" "WHAT THE FRICK-FRACK-TIC-TAC ARE YOU DOING" "ITS NOT CHEATING IF YOU KICK HIM IN THE BALLS"

Black: Only Red, Blue, and Yellow yell. Green is a bit more civilized.

Green: Hell yeah I'm his favorite

Yellow: >:O

Green: I will fite you

Yellow: I will eat you

Black: No.

BlackParade: Wait if we're a lot like our lion then can somebody pLEASE TELL ME WHO I'M GOING TO 'MATE' WITH I'M SICK OF THIS I WANT MYSELF A MAN

Black: ...

Black: I thought that you'd be a bit more... subtle with that?

Tinkerer: Scroll up.

Black: Black Paladian, _what the quiznak_ _is wrong with you_?

BlackParade: Thats a whole new can of worms you do NOT want to open-

Black: ....

BlackParade: i nEED SOMEBODY TO TELL ME I'M NOT GOING TO BE ALONE FOREVER (TT^TT)

Green: ACTUALLY BLACK IS DATING THREE LION SPIRITS. THEY WERE GOING TO BE LIONS BUT THEY NEVER GOT THEIR BODY SO THEIR SOUL TAKES THE SHAPE OF A LION!

BlackParade: I GET THREE MANS??? YES THANK YOU GOD I'M NOT GOING TO BE LONELY FOREVER

Black: How do you even know this information child?

Green: I can glide through the Castle's systems without being detected!

Tinkerer: WAIT WHAT

Allura: I never heard of this happening. Can you explain?

Black: Our bodies are mechanical but our spirits are regular lions. We can glide in and out of our bodies. When our paladin calls to us, we get sucked back into our bodies. Because of the failed attempts at making lions and summoning lion spirits, there are a few spirits that are able to float around and never get sucked into anything. They followed King Alfor back to the castle. We have been living here for quite a while. Luckily, we never age so we can spend a lifetime with our mates.

Blue: SOMETIMES YOU CALL ME AT THE WORST OF TIMES! I WAS ABOUT TO DEVOUR YELLOW'S CAKE WHEN YOU CALLED LAST TIME! >:c

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: So THATS why it took longer-

Yellow: HEY!

Blue: Oh man I forgot he was in here

Blue: WELP GOTTA RUN

Yellow: GET BACK HERE I KNEW IT WAS YOU EATING ALL MY CAKES

Creeper: Lol ur lions just like u Lance

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: I mean- fair. Are we going to disregard the fact that SHIRO HAS THREE MATES??? T H R E E ? ? ?

Tinkerer: HOW MANY OF OUR COLLEGUES ARE SHIROS AGE??

Tinkerer: Uh... Matt!

Creeper: That guy Adam? He said he grew up with Shiro

SoftBby: What about that guy Curtis? He seemed nice and he's in the chat-

Black: It's about time. How do I summon them here? **@Adamn @Curtis @ Rug**

Rug: WHATS UP 

Rug: IS THAT THE LIONS IN THE CHAT

Rug: THATS AMAZING WFJFCNCFEIFHGE

Curtis: Stop geeking out. You're going to have an aneurysm.

Rug: I am nOT A GEEK HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST THAT

Curtis: Am I wrong?

Adamn: No, but did you really need to say it out loud?

Black: Oh, that's definitely them.

BlackParade: JOWDWIFBEUJNFELKN YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK ILL JUST BE LONELY INSTEAD OF DYING OF A HEART ATTACK OKAY BYE

**BlackParade has gone idle**

Black: Jesus christ.

Adamn: What's going on?

Black: I believe you three are supposed to be Black Paladin's mates but he's probably not going to ask you guys out himself.

SoftBby: Yeah I think hes dying, his face is red

Adamn: ... I-

Rug: Mates??? You mean-

Black: Yes.

Curtis: Well- that worked out well-

Adamn: At least we know now for sure?

Tinkerer: WERE YOU PLANNING ON ASKING HIM OUT???

Rug: Mayhaps?

Tinkerer: I CANT BELIEVE YOU DIDNT TELL UR FAVORITE SISTER

Rug: You're my only sister?

Tinkerer: IRRELEVANT!

Black: Well? Go and ask my paladin out! I'm bloody tired of seeing him so lonely!

Curtis: I mean-

Adamn: He's got a point.

Tinkerer: STOP BEING A GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT PUSSY AND GET YOUR MAN

**Adamn, Curtis, and Rug have gone idle**

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: YES MORE DADS

Tinkerer: Matt is my brother though so he'd be more like an uncle?

SoftBby: Two more dads and one uncle

Creeper: Don't forget our new sibling-

Yellow: Yeah Space Dad don't forget our new sibling

Black: I've already said none of us can reproduce because we're all male!

Yellow: That obviously doesn't stop you from trying-

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: PFFFFT

Creeper: Omfg I love you so much yellow ur my favorite lion

Yellow: You're my favorite paladin!

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: Do you lions have names or are your names literally colors?

Blue: I WANT MY NAME TO BE RAZZLE DAZZLE BUT NOOOOO BLACK SAYS THATS NOT A REAL NAME

Red: It's really not

Blue: OH YEAH FITE ME YOU CHERRY COLORED METAL TIN CAN

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: I FEEL YOUR PAIN I WANT MY NAME TO BE LANCELOT DAZZLE MCCLAIN BUT SHIRO SAID NO

SoftBby: That's not a real name Lance

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: YOU WANNA GO MULLET?!

SoftBby: Sure? How about the lounge so we can cuddle?

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: Thats- Thats not what I meant but sure

SoftBby: :)

Red: Ngl that was smooth

Tinkerer: WAIT WE FORGOT TO ADD ALLURA AND CORAN BACK INTO THE CHAT 

SoftBby: O fuck

**Tinkerer has added Ma'am and King Bumi into the chat**

Ma'am: Why were we kicked out? Is it because we let Keith chug that bleach and die because I'm pretty sure hes alive somewhere in the castle and we couldn't stop him fast enough.

Blue: ALLURA! O SHIT WADDUP

Ma'am: BLUE?

Blue: THE ONE AND ONLY!

Blue: I havE BOTH MY PALADIN-CHILDREN NOW YAAAY

Blue: RED WE'RE ADOPTING THEM BOTH AND WE'RE GOING TO LOVE THEM FOREVER

Red: I don't trust you with a child

Blue: _Grosero, soy perfectamente capaz de cuidar a los niños mi amor_

Red: Uh- I dont speak flamingo

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: YOU SPEAK SPANISH TOO

Blue: YES MY CHILD YOU INHERITED YOUR BEAUTIFUL SPANISH VOCABULARY FROM ME JUST LIKE ALLURA GOT MY ALTEAN

Red: ...

SoftBby: ...

Red: If it makes you feel better, your the fastest of all your teammates even on foot

SoftBby: Okay thats better

Blue: ADOPTION ADOPTION ADOPTION

Red: Oh god

Blue: ALLURA AND LANCE ARE MY CHILDREN NOW, YOU WILL BE SIBLINGS AND RED WILL BE YOUR OTHER DAD

Ma'am: I guess I'm fine with that?

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: YES I HAVE BEEN ADOPTED AGAIN

Red: You're my child I guess Keith?

SoftBby: Okay

Yellow: PALACHILDREN

Yellow: HEY HUNK WANNA BAKE A CAKE? I CAN REVEAL MYSELF TO YOU IF I TRY HARD ENOUGH

Hunk: SURE!

SoftBby: All four of them are speaking in Caps Lock, also your ghostly fur is soft

Red: Thanks

King Bumi: Do I have a lion counterpart?

Blue: YEAH UNCLE GINGER

Blue: We need to find a way to add him, uncle is so nice :c

Red: Weird but in a good way

Tinkerer: I have an idea! What if we built lions for the rest of the consciences? We could have Voltron AND other lions!

Black: That would be a good idea, but because Zarkon has taken the rest of the Luxite to make his own army we can't. His connection with me may have weakened but I still reside in his head. I can access his thoughts. If we have enough luxite, we can attach it to a vehicle to be able to put a lion spirit in it.

Red: Uncle Ginger is pretty content with walking around the castle with Coran and babbling about animals he saw and places we went.

King Bumi: I KNEW I WASN'T HEARING THINGS! SOMEONE WAS TALKING TO ME!

Ma'am: Okay I was wrong but you have to admit its kind of suspicious when you're just walking around randomly and having conversations with the air

Black: I wonder what my palachild's doing?

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: Yeah they've been gone a while

Tinkerer: .... new sibling

Black: I'm too young to be a grandpa.

Tinkerer: Lmao

Blue: YOU ALREADY ARE SPACE DAD I HAVE ALLURA AND LANCE AND KEEF

Black: >:/

Red: You stole my palachild

Blue: He's cuddly! You can join y'know

Red: ...

Yellow: CUrse these ghostly paws I can't hold a camera!

Creeper: I got it! 

Yellow: Thank you Hunk :)

Creeper: no problemo!

Green: So my palachild and I have been talking and we think if we can scrape up a small amount of luxite we could make small phones where our allies can summon their lion counterparts if they need help! Also, Gray, Orange, and Brown are coming for you Black, they want cuddles and they want them now.

Black: Alright tell them I'm at the pool

SoftBby: My special knife is made of luxite, I'm pretty sure the blade of marmora has some

Tinkerer: Great!

King Bumi: Ginger is very smart and experienced! He's like a long-lost brother if I do say so myself!

Ma'am: I believe living with multiple lions spirits is great!

Black: Yeah, all spirit lions like to hang out with their counterparts. Brown says he likes Adam and his teaching style. Orange likes Pidge and Matt best and Gray likes Curtis.

Tinkerer: Wait, are Orange and Green siblings?

Green: I don't like him! He called me tiny and drank my chocolate milk! >:(

Black: And he apologized multiple times

Green: SORRY DOESN'T BRING BACK MY MILK BLACK 

BlackParade: Oh thats definitely the Holt family

Tinkerer: 1) Whats that supposed to mean 2) WHAT HAPPENED, DID I GET A NEW SIBLING?

BlackParade: pIDGE I ALREADY TOLD YOU MALES CANT REPRODUCE YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS INFORMATION

Tinkerer: Awh man no sibling

BlackParade: ;-;

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: DO YOU HAVE THREE BF YET CAUSE YOU SURE DESERVE THEM

Adamn: He sure does-

SoftBby: sO?

Curtis: Yep, we're dating! All four of us

Blue: FINALLY MY OT4 HAS SAILED

Red: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN DAMNIT

SoftBby: ^

BlackParade: OTP means One True Pairing. OT4 means One True Foursome.

SoftBby: Oh that makes sense

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: Yeah!

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: Hold on have I been misgendering my lion?

Blue: Nah! I'm gender-fluid so I can be girl or boy! The day you met me I was a girl but today I'm a boy! If you're not sure about my gender, just ask or say lion

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: Oh okay!

Yellow: I HAVE AN IDEA

Yellow: SINCE TODAY IS THE DAY BLACK'S PALACHILD STOPPED BEING OBLIVIOUS LETS HAVE A PARTY, WE HAVE TOO MUCH CAKE TO HANDLE

Blue: YES CAKE AND PARTY

BlackParade: I AM NOT OBLIVIOUS >:c

Rug: We literally named a chat Gay 4 U and you just friendzoned us 

BlackParade: I came out, to this point, to this place, hoping against all hope and despite all signs and portends suggesting otherwise that I might, somehow, find myself having a pleasant experience, and yet here I stand, alone against the world, feeling _assaulted_ , offended, _attacked_ on all fronts.

Rug: Is that 'I came out to have a good time and honestly I'm feeling so attacked right now' but by Oscar Wilde

BlackParade: Mayhaps?

Tinkerer: I spiritually heard that facepalm

Blue: Everybody to the lounge for a huge palachild and lion cuddle!

Yellow: And cake!

Blue: AND CAKE! >:3

Tinkerer: omw

**~~~ SOMETIME LATER IN THE DAY ~~~**

SoftBby: YOU ARE OUTGUNNED

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: WHAT

SoftBby: OUTMANNED

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: WHAT

SoftBby: OUT NUMBERED OUT-

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: KICK SOME GALRA ASS

SoftBby: PUT YOUR GUNS DOWN ON MY COMMAND

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: HAND THEM OVER

SoftBby: THIS IS LANCE MCCLAIN MY RIGHT HAND MAN

Lancelot Dazzle McClain: BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM

Blue: Bootiful

Red: **Beautiful

Blue: Our children are amazing

Red: They sure are

Blue: Aren't you glad we adopted?

Red: Still don't trust you with a child but yeah I am

**Author's Note:**

> Allura is pure and Pidge is her best friend, no relationship between the two! Just had to make that clear-


End file.
